The Harmony in Consequences
by NeoNails
Summary: It started at a bachelor party. It ended at a hospital. AU pre-Sectionals. My take on Finn finding out about the Babygate scandal. Puck-centric.
1. The Harmony in Consequences

_Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong  
__I am wrong, I swear I'm right  
__Swear I knew it all along  
__And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well  
__I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself  
__So clear…_

- "Vindicated," by Dashboard Confessional

**

* * *

**

"_What?_"

For the first time in a _very_ long time (right around the time Quinn showed up on his doorstep with a half-finished wine cooler in hand, dragging him down to give him a pretty convincing kiss, wine and all), Puck was actually stunned into silence. It was bad enough he was forced into throwing Finn Hudson, his best friend and the QB of the football team (coincidentally, also the lovingly boyfriend of one Quinn Fabray) this pathetic little 'bachelor' party. Forced because when their director of glee, Mr. Schue, found out the girls were throwing Quinn a baby shower, he not-so-subtly hinted that _Puck_ should put together some kind of shindig to make the poor oaf feel better.

Pathetic because, despite assurances that Finn would only feel better otherwise, Schue put the kibosh on hiring strippers _and_ getting beer. Which was a damned shame, because Puck was the man when it came to getting booze, and if this was going to be a bachelor party they should have a keg or at very least a couple six-packs.

So here they were, the men of glee, chilling in the music room with sodas and a discount white sheet cake (Puck got it half off when he winked at the semi-cute cake lady- oh, yeah, he's a stud), while he had no doubt Rachel was wining and dining Quinn and the other girls as she hosted the baby shower at her house. It almost made him wanna drop by. Even crazy Berry in full-on hostess mode had to be better than this downer of a sausage fest.

And yet he was still here, paralyzed into silence at his best friend's infallible stupidity. He never actually bothered to ask Quinn how she managed to convince Hudson that he was her baby-daddy- he knew she was a virgin when they had sex, but he figured there must've been some sort of close call between the two of them that could've convinced Finn. Quinn was no doubt about it smart- she managed to balance straight-As and a full Cheerios schedule, in addition to that retarded Celibacy Club that went out the window the second she got a little booze in her.

Still… a _hot tub?_ She had like the fourth highest GPA in the class and that was seriously the best she could come up with at the time?

"Finn, you can't get a girl pregnant that way," Artie explained slowly, pity filling in his eyes behind his glasses. "You especially can't get a girl pregnant when your both still clothed."

Finn laughed, and then looked over at Matt and Mike, and then (ironically, of all the guys in the room) to Puck for backup. Because they've all had sex, and it's not like there were a lot of girls clamoring around to hop in Artie's wheelchair. Except for that Tina chick. Puck saw the looks she shot Artie when she thought everyone else wasn't looking. They mirrored the looks Rachel shot at Finn, and, if _no one_ was around to hear him, the looks he admitted he would (_occasionally_) shoot Quinn.

But even when Finn glanced at them, he had to notice how none of them were smiling. Even Mike was aware that this was wrong, and Mike's brain had been a little screwy after he got that third concussion back in the beginning of freshman year during tryouts.

Finally, Mr. Schue broke the tense silence. "Are you sure there wasn't any, uh, sexual contact before or after this incident?" he asked, voice hesitant. Clearly, this so wasn't how the guy expected their innocent little bachelor party to go.

Mike snickered after the words "sexual contact" (there he is, the brainiac), but otherwise that was the only sound.

"No, we've never had _sex_ sex before, and Quinn said the hot tub made my junk, y'know, swim faster," Finn explained patiently with that classic _What's going on here?_ look on his face. "And we didn't do anything but kiss after that."

Okay, that was kind of hard to laugh at. Puck was a supporting best friend (well, when he wasn't trying to steal Quinn out from under Finn), but that was just fucking retarded. _The hot tub made his junk swim faster?_ Did his mom inhale glue or something when she had him?

"Honey, did you sleep through Sex Ed?" Kurt asked pityingly. While Kurt objected to being forced to attend the bachelor party in favor of the baby shower, he ultimately caved when Mr. Schue glared at him and Finn stared with hurt eyes, which just further confirmed in Puck's mind that Kurt had a thing for Finn.

"Well… parts of it," Finn admitted, once again glancing at his football buddies for backup. Puck sort of wanted to help him, which he kinda did, if only to continue Quinn's baldfaced lie. He may have wanted to take care of his little girl, but he knew that lying would keep Quinn happy and he actually kinda enoyed keeping Quinn happy.

Even with his help, there was no way he could save Finn from this conversation. "Finn, were you and Quinn fully clothed in the hot tub?" Mr. Schue asked, setting down his can of Coke on the riser next to him.

Finn sat up straighter in his seat and chuckled to himself, "Well, we were in our bathing suits, Mr. Schue."

Puck had to resist the urge to groan. "Dude, you can't get her knocked up if she was still in her bikini _and_ you were still in your trunks," he finally snapped, unable to take the tension anymore. He wanted to keep Quinn happy and all, but this was just friggin' dumb. It was more important to him that Finn grasped the concept of 'the birds and the bees,' even if it meant he was possibly running the risk that his secret would be found out.

"Of course I could," Finn replied hotly, ever the stubborn idiot. "How else could she have gotten pregnant?"

The silence that stretched on after that simple question was almost unbearable for Puck. He did feel pretty guilty. He really did. It wasn't his fault he'd always sorta had a jones for Quinn, even after she started dating Finn. Granted, it was totally his fault for not turning her down when she showed up at his door, but he was a red-blooded male and she was hot and willing. Not to mention basically his dream girl.

But Finn wasn't this stupid, at least they wouldn't all have to have this insanely painful conversation.

And just when Puck had completely given up on Hudson ever connecting the dots, his face suddenly twisted and contorted and he was sprinting out of his seat and out of the band room before anyone could get their shit together and react.

His departure left a change in the air, from tense and awkward to a more morose, resigned silence. Everyone now knew what Puck had known (well, minus knowing who the _real_ father was) and none of them had a damned clue what to do about it.

Finally, Puck couldn't take it any more. "This bachelor party officially sucked."

**

* * *

**

_There's something 'bout the way you looked at me  
__And you think for a moment that maybe we were meant to be  
__Livin' life separately  
__And it's strange that things change but not me wanting you  
__So desperately_

- "Desperately," by Michelle Branch

**

* * *

**

After their week-long hook up, Puck had managed to worm out Berry's digits, so by Saturday night he was already spending a little too much time pacing his too-small room and dialed her number almost without thinking.

In usual Berry fashion, she talked too much and too fast, but through the AP English diction and the SAT-level vocabulary he was able to figure out that Finn had burst through their baby shower, ranting and raving about hot tubs and bikinis and demanding to know who was the _real_ father. From there, it was a lot of screaming and shouting and crying and, at one point, Brittany backhanding Finn with one of Rachel's heart-shaped pillows when he called Quinn what Berry referred to as "a completely abhorrent and totally uncalled for name." Knowing Berry that could mean just about anything, but knowing the often absent-minded but almost always good-intentioned Brittany it meant that Finn must've really crossed a line to inspire violence.

Quinn followed Finn out to his car after Rachel kicked him out for using "that word," crying and pleading that Finn _was_ the father of her baby, regardless of the actual facts that Puck knew all too well to be true.

"But what I _still_ don't understand is why Finn could possibly believe that he managed to impregnate Quinn through the process of a _Jacuzzi_," Rachel said, winding down in her extremely long-winded tirade on the phone. "And on that subject, how _did_ Quinn get pregnant? While I admit I find it hard to believe that a woman such as Quinn who claims to profess so much ardor for her boyfriend would actually _cheat_ on said boyfriend, I'm even more curious to discover who this other man may be. Do you have any clue?"

Puck hesitated on the line, trying to decide how best to respond to Rachel's probing question. Honestly, he wasn't totally sure how he'd made it this long without anyone finding out he was the real dad, and this was after letting it slip to Mercedes, who lived off gossip the same way he lived off dip when it got around to baseball season.

And he really didn't want to tell Rachel. Doubtlessly she would side with Finn, because she still wanted in his pants about as badly as wanted one of those Tony things. He didn't mind Rachel so much after they hooked up, because she was still a pretty hot fellow Jew, who also managed to stay herself after all the shit everyone put her through- after all the shit _he_ put her through.

"Quinn and I had sex."

Fuck. He wasn't supposed to _tell_ her that. Oh, God, now she was gonna start ranting and using words he didn't understand and he'd be even more screwed than he was before.

The shocking silence on the phone was almost deafening, and he wondered if this was going to be the only time he'd ever actually gotten Berry to shut up.

"Oh, _Noah_…"

He wanted to hang up when he heard those two words. She managed to sound so damned _disappointed_ in him, but pitying and sad like even though she wanted to yell at him she just couldn't because she suddenly, _finally_ figured out that they were basically in the same boat together. He could handle her anger, he could handle her disappointment, but it was that fucking sadness that made him want to rip out his mohawk and just _shake_ her. Where was batshit crazy Berry when he needed her?

"Can you just not?!" he growled, pacing his room once more in attempt to not punch something. Most likely himself. Possibly the wall. "Bitch about Broadway or something. Rant about your awards. Just do. _Not_. Pity. Me."

She was silent again. "…Everyone's going to hate you when this gets out," she whispered, stating the obvious in the worst possible way but ultimately in a comfortingly Berry-like fashion.

"No shit," he snapped, running his hands through his short patch of hair, gripping the ends in the hope he could snap himself back into his old Puck badass self.

It wasn't really working.

"Will it make you feel better if I go on pretending as though you never told me?" she asked, even quieter before.

She stunned him then. He was horrible to her, made it his job to make her life miserable, and when he wasn't doing that he didn't even have a second thought about her, and yet here she was, offering to act like this incident never happened, willing to forget just because it would make it a little easier for him when everyone around him was ready to rip his throat out.

Puck flopped onto his worn bed, stretching out on his back as he finally let the wave of terror and stress hit him like a truck. He needed to sleep. He didn't want to, but his body was screaming at him that he need sleep.

"I don't want you to lie for me," he finally told her tiredly. "Listen, Berry, can you just…" He trailed off. He didn't know what to say, or how to say it.

"Yes?" she asked gently, prompting him.

"Can you sing to me?" Another day, another Puck would be ashamed as all hell to ask _Rachel Berry_ something that pathetic, and in such a whiny, plaintive tone, but this Puck was tired and worn out and positive that, come Monday, his life as he knew it would be over.

Without questioning him, Rachel began to sing softly.

**

* * *

**

_And that's all that I need  
__Someone else to cling to and  
__Someone I can lean on until  
__I don't need to  
__Just stay all through the night and if the morning gets me down  
__That's all that I need right now_

- "All I Need," by Matchbox Twenty

**

* * *

**

The bachelor party was Friday, after school. By the time Monday rolled around, Puck was actually a little concerned that neither Finn nor Quinn had responded to his texts. Not that he was freaking out or anything. At all. He was cool, and they were adults and capable of sorting out their own shit on their own.

Even though it was kind of just as much his shit as it was their shit.

It took him about 6 minutes of hunting down and stalking through hallways before he tracked down Quinn. Finn was less important at the moment. She was, after all, his baby-momma, and he was kind of worried what Finn had put her through.

When he found her, well… she didn't look like Quinn. It was like something in her eyes, that spark that made her, yes, evil (at times) and possibly homicidal but also vibrant and vicious and absolutely beautiful… well, it looked a lot like that spark had sorta died. Her blonde hair was matted and pulled back into a sloppy ponytail, and she was dressed entirely in sweatpants. There were dark circles under her eyes, and combined with the bloodshot red rims he had a sickening feeling she opted to cry all night instead of sleep.

When she finally noticed him in the hallway, barely an arm's length away, her body kind of crumpled, shoulders slumping and knees buckling and even though he could probably bench three of her, he was struck with such fear and absolute helplessness that he couldn't even slap himself together to reach out and just pluck her from the air.

She didn't fall. He was sure she was gonna crumple to the floor in a big heap, but instead she managed to maintain whatever self-preservation instincts she had left and stopped her body from collapsing. Her head was bowed, arms wrapped around her waist, and if it wasn't for her hoodie he could probably see the slight bulge on her otherwise trim belly.

He was finally able to push his stupid fear aside and reach out for her, one arm moving forward to grab her shoulder reassuringly, maybe try to pull her closer to him. He just needed that contact. He needed to be near her. He couldn't watch her suffer, even if she was still in love with Hudson.

He didn't get the chance to comfort her- a heavy hand on his shoulder stopped him from doing so. That was all his warning before Finn Hudson pulled back and decked him for all the dopey QB was worth.

**

* * *

**

_Like I need to defend my own innocence  
__So what, I did it, I admit & I'm pleadin' the fifth  
__One more anthem for the know-it-all  
__I won't be standin' up for long I better learn how to crawl  
__Learn how to crawl  
__In ten minutes I'll be laying out flat on the floor_

- "Flat on the Floor," by Nickelback

**

* * *

**

When Puck finally woke up, he was pissed.

He wasn't pissed so much at Finn (actually, he was pretty impressed the dumbass actually worked up the 'nads to hit him hard enough to knock him out), or even at Quinn for keeping him out of the loop the whole weekend (what? It wasn't really his fault that the thought his flashed mind once or twice, and he sorta deserved a warning), or even being basically locked up in this stupid freaking hospital room with his neurotic mom and his crazy little sister in this fucking paper dress while some ugly old nurses pretended to give a shit about him (unlike most people, Puck didn't hate hospitals or whatever- he just hated not being able to leave whenever he damn well wanted).

He was just pissed that he passed out in the first place. He didn't mind losing the fight. This was actually one of the only times he could admit that to himself honestly. Maybe it was beyond screwed up, but for all the shit he (and Quinn, too) put Finn through, it was kinda only fair that Finn won the fight. Puck kicking his ass on top of everything else just wouldn't have been fair.

But if Finn hadn't knocked him out so soundly, he probably would've let Finn win anyway, _and_ he would've gotten suspended right along with his (ex) best friend, _and_ he would've been able to calmly tell all the teachers and Ms. Pillsbury and whatever whackjobs that surrounded him to pull Finn off that he did _not_ need to go to the hospital because Noah fucking Puckerman was too badass to go to a hospital.

Especially for something as nancy-boy as a "possible concussion."

To make matters _so_ much freaking better for him, because he was carted off to the hospital unconscious with Quinn apparently bawling her brains out and Finn just shouting shit at him, there was no one to talk to the principal and Mr. Schue and Coach Tanaka and explain to them why their two best football players/singers lost their shit in the middle of the hallway.

Shockingly, Rachel Berry of all people actually offered to try and defend them, claiming that they were both under extreme duress brought on by the stress of juggling football practice, glee performances, jobs, and an upcoming baby (after their conversation Saturday, he guessed she was including him on that one for once). While it sounded like Rachel managed to sway Mr. Schue and Coach Tanaka, Principal Figgins wasn't quite as pleased. It only got worse when Quinn, who was quiet up until that point, started crying again and spilled everything- sleeping with him, getting pregnant, telling Finn the baby was his, getting kicked out of her house, and finally Finn connecting the dots.

If Puck had been awake at this point, he would've backed crazy Berry (because, seriously, even though she was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs or whatever, she was still loyal as shit) and kept Quinn from losing it and telling everybody everything. It was bad enough that it was basically his fault that her parents disowned her and kicked her out of her house- he didn't want to make her life miserable at school, too. Once it got out that he was the one that knocked her up and not Saint Finn, she would be the most hated student by the end of the week.

Worse, her actions lead his mother to get a phone call he had never wanted her to hear, and now it seemed like she was planning on spending the next few weeks (at very least) crying about her very first grandbaby.

As a result, it had taken two and a half hours after he woke up to convince his mom that she did not need to stay overnight with him at the hospital. Besides, his annoying little sister needed to haul her ass to school every day because even if Puck had turned into an all-around fuck-up, there was no way in hell he was gonna let her fall through the same damned cracks.

He had a lot of shit to sort through, and he didn't need his mother freaking out, crying and hovering over him the entire time.

But, because his whole year had sucked so hard so far why should this particular day be any better, maybe four minutes had passed by since his mom and sister finally got the hell out, a tiny little midget in a tan trench coat and a too-large, floppy brown hat slipped into his room.

For whatever fucked up reason, he immediately knew who his mystery guest was, but even if he didn't, the brown flats with those stupidly sexy pink knee-high socks peeking out from under the hem of the trench coat.

"Berry, what the fuck are you doing here?" he demanded, sitting up further in his hospital bed. He tried to shoot her his best glare, the one that sent the hockey players scattering like a bunch of little girls. With a big ugly white bandage over his forehead, a black eye, and a split lip, not to mention a few Tylenol with codeine in his system he wasn't exactly on his game.

She took off her ridiculous hat and trench coat, revealing her usual bizarre outfit of a pink button-down, brown sweater, and pink-and-brown plaid skirt that always was just a little too short and way too distracting when he was trying to stay mad at her.

"Noah, you know how I feel about curse words," she said, flipping her long brown hair over one shoulder and fixing him with a stern glare. Her glare was a hell of a lot more convincing than whatever sad look he must've shot her, but there was no way he was going to cave at this point. He already looked like a pansy- he wasn't gonna act like one, too.

He was badass, dammit.

"I wanted to make sure you were doing well," she said, dropping her hands from her hips and walking over to the side of his bed. She went back to her usual Berry-level of insecurity, chewing on her bottom lip and studying him with shining brown eyes.

Why was it that everything about her was so damned _shiny?_

Dispelling his thoughts, he eyed her closely and snapped, "Why do you care? Shouldn't you be off licking Hudson's wounds for him?"

She flinched back like he'd just slapped her, big round eyes blinking rapidly. "I-I know that after the tussle today and the rumors that will be out by the time you are through with your suspension and allowed to come back to school you will become a social pariah amongst our fellow teens and may possibly more hated than I am, despite my innocence and simple dream to achieve stardom at any age possible." She stopped her little rant when she noticed his look, and then hastened to add, "But despite the dubious opinions our fellow classmates, I must say that I intend on sticking with you throughout this whole messy ordeal because I know that you need support the most."

He rolled his eyes when she finally stopped talking, but once again in true batshit Berry fashion, she had somehow managed to worm her way under his skin. She was actually picking him over Finn. Granted, everyone else may have wanted her dead and he had a few thoughts every so often about shaking her when she started talking and forgot about breathing in between, but she was willing to stick by _his_ side just because she knew he'd be fucked and alone once he went back to school.

He didn't respond to her, and when he remained silent for about a minute she pulled one of the plastic chairs over and sat down, twisting her fingers and continuing to search his face for any signs. He didn't know what the hell she was searching for, but it was definitely something.

"There's one more thing you need to know before you go back to school," she said, hesitating and going back to chew on her bottom lip. "Has anyone talked to you about Finn and Quinn yet?"

Puck furrowed his eyebrows, even though that screwed up the four stitches hidden under the bandage on his forehead. "Of course people talked to me about Finn and Quinn. Mr. Schuester came in this afternoon and told me basically everything that happened after Finn knocked me out."

"Everything?" she repeated, her own brows coming together in apparent confusion while her (admittedly) full mouth pursed.

"Yeah, everything," he said, nodding. "Y'know, you spouting off to Principal Figgins, Quinn flipping shit and telling them all about me."

Her face went blank, shoulders slumping a little. "That's all he told you?" she said, after a very lengthy pause. Her voice was very un-Berry, not shrill and in-your-face but instead quiet and tiny.

This wasn't good. He liked to delude himself that he didn't know anything about Berry, but despite this he found himself using the information that he'd unknowingly been cataloguing about her to know that something very wrong was going on. "What the hell is going on?" he asked, jaw clenching and unclenching unconsciously as he studied her face. When she was silent, and remained silent, eyes cast down to the linoleum tiles, he grew even more worried and impatient. "Rachel, tell me. _Now_."

She jumped when he used her first name, like she was recognizing how serious he was just by that insignificant (or maybe not so insignificant) detail.

"Quinn's been hospitalized."

**

* * *

**

_And you see the things they never see  
__All you wanted I could be  
__Now you know me, and I'm not afraid  
__And I wanna tell you who I am  
__Can you help me be a man?  
__They can't break me  
__As long as I know who I am_

- "I'm Still Here" by Goo Goo Dolls


	2. The Symphony in Understanding

_Well, you feel so close to some resolve  
__You say the things that you're standing for  
__Don't let your courage get dissolved  
_'_Cuz it's then that the fear grows_

- "Falling On," by Finger Eleven

**

* * *

**

It took three nurses and two male nurses (who were no where _near_ as jacked as him) to pin him down to the bed. When Puck realized they were threatening to knock him out with some drug he immediately stopped struggling. He may have wanted to get the _hell_ out of this fucking hospital room, but he'd be even more screwed if he was unconscious as all this was going on.

While the nurses lost their shit with him, Rachel got up and stood in the corner of the room, not saying anything, just watching.

She explained everything. Not the sugar-coated 'everything' that Mr. Schue basically spoon-fed him, but the actual truth everything. Right after Quinn announced all of this, she passed out. Like, just collapsed without another word.

That was when Finn started freaking out. Quinn had been living with him after her parents kicked her out, but after the fight she stayed over at Brittany's, where it sounded like she spent the whole weekend alternating between crying and calling Finn. And that was basically it. No eating, no sleeping, just crying and calling. Her body, and her baby, couldn't handle all that stress with nothing to ease the pain.

She had been rushed to the hospital shortly after him. Oddly enough (and because she clearly hadn't helped out enough), Rachel piled Finn, Quinn, and Mr. Schue into her brand new yellow VW Beetle and took off to the hospital.

From there, it was a steady stream of doctors, nurses, orderlies, and more hospital staff that all rushed Quinn to the emergency room. Finn and Mr. Shue followed close behind, while Rachel was forced to sit on edge in the waiting room.

That had been around 9 A.M. It was now close to 7 P.M., and she still hadn't heard a word about Quinn. She had found his room and snuck in using Mr. Shue's discarded jacket and a hat she'd swiped from the lost and found.

Mr. Schue had left Quinn around 2 to make some calls and talk to Puck and his mom, which was when Rachel followed him and found Puck's room. Mr. Schue had refused to give her any information about Quinn.

Which blew out the ass 'cause at that moment, Rachel fucking Berry was the only one crazy enough to talk to Puck honestly. He needed to know how Quinn was doing, and if Rachel was the only one that could tell him, she needed to find out. Like, immediately.

The nurses and orderlies finally backed the hell off when they realized he went from basically foaming at the mouth to limp in about 2.5 seconds. Granted, there was one burly-looking orderly standing by the door, trying to look menacing or some shit, but Puck was pretty sure he could knock that dude unconscious with one hit, even with all his stupid bruises and stitches.

He looked over at Rachel. She was still standing in the corner, still alarmingly silent. After her stupid little 'undercover' costume, he guessed she'd probably get in trouble with the nurses if they caught her in his room.

"Rachel, I need you to tell me what happened to Quinn," he said, voice flat with just the slightest tinge of urgency. If she could get into his room, there had to be some way for her to get into Quinn's room.

She finally stepped away from the wall, eyes wide and sad. "I-I can't," she whispered, shaking her head.

"What the hell do you mean, you _can't?!_"

For the record, he didn't mean to practically shout that (which made the retard orderly at the door glare even harder). He certainly didn't mean for his voice to break embarrassingly at the word "can't."

She walked to his bed, slowly taking his hand in hers, not even hesitating when his whole body froze up, tensing on the slight, soft physical contact. "Noah," she said, her voice even softer than her hand. She was staring at him with a weird look in her eye, all glassy and bright. "Quinn is… when I left the waiting room to go find you, I-I saw Finn. He-he didn't see me, but he was heading towards the operating room."

Puck gripped her hand, and for a second a tiny part in the back of his brain worried that he might break her hand. But he was stricken with too much fear, and she was his only anchor to reality. "Wh-what does that mean?" he asked. He was beyond acting macho, or being his usual badass self. He was just fucking scared. He didn't want his little baby girl anywhere near the operating room. She was too tiny to be in there yet.

Rachel squeezed his hand right back. "I don't know," she whispered, and he realized her eyes looked funny because there were tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. Rachel Berry was about to cry, and that scared the shit out of him, more than anything else. He'd never seen Rachel Berry cry before, even when he threw Slushies in her face every single day or when Santana went out of her way to terrorize her.

"I really don't know, Noah."

**

* * *

**

_Well, I was sitting, waiting, wishing  
__If you believed in superstitions  
__Then maybe you'd see the signs  
__But Lord knows that this world is cruel  
__And I ain't the Lord, I'm just the fool  
__And lovin' somebody don't make them love you_

- "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing," by Jack Johnson

**

* * *

**

It was the longest day of his life.

The doctors didn't let him go home until midway through Tuesday. His first reaction was to throw on his jeans and a shirt, bowl past the doctors and beat it to the nurses' station, where he _immediately_ demanded to know Quinn Fabray's room number.

She was still in the building.

_Fuck_.

She was two floors up, and he didn't want to know what that floor was there for- he didn't want to psych himself out. It didn't matter what happened, he just _needed_ to know she was okay.

God dammit, she _needed_ to be okay.

When he sprinted down the hallway, heading toward her door, he already knew something was wrong. Finn was standing there, outside of the room, talking to Quinn's parents. But Quinn's parents disowned her, kicked her out of their house. Why the hell would they come back?

Finn noticed him first, because he was facing Puck while Quinn's parents had their backs to him. To his everlasting shock, Finn's whole face crumpled when they locked eyes. He pushed past Quinn's parents, meeting Puck halfway, at which point the huge dopey bastard _collapsed into Puck's arms._

And started _weeping_.

And dammit if Puck wasn't having a hard time crying right along with him. What the fuck happened to Quinn? What was going on? And why were her parents there?

"I-I'm sorry, Puck," Finn said, between sobs. "I'm s-so so sorry. I-I d-didn't mean to kn-knock you out."

Puck tightened his jaw, screwing his eyes shut and hugging his best friend back. "I'm sorry, too," he said. "I'm sorry I slept with Quinn. It's my fault all of this happened."

That was the first time he'd admitted it out loud. And he really was sorry. He fucked up in the worst way possible, and he now owed a hell of a lot to some very important people to him. He didn't know how he was going to fix it.

"Sh-she lost the baby," Finn sputtered out, and when the meaning of his tearful words sunk into Puck's brain, he could feel his heart stutter to a stop.

"What?" Puck said, and distantly, he could hear his voice, but it sounded distorted and far away. It sounded like the ocean was rushing through his eardrums, and he could no longer feel the rest of his body.

"Quinn's been upset an-and-and _sick_, but we didn't know how sick until she passed out, and then we took her here and the doctors started freaking out b-but none of them would tell me what was wrong, and th-then they wheeled her into the ER and then they started t-talking but it was all hospital talk and I-I didn't understand an-and then they said _operate_ and oh my God they started _operating_ on her and n-now Quinn's lost her baby and I'm s-so sorry I ever yelled at her. I love her, Puck. I re-really love her, and I almost lost her."

Puck wasn't sure when he stopped listening to Finn, but it was sometime early in the speech, and by the time he stopped talking, Puck realized he couldn't support himself, let alone another 190-pound football player, and he was dropping to his knees before he even knew what was happening.

He lost his baby girl. Losing Quinn again and again to Finn was bad enough, but he couldn't seriously lose his baby girl. She was the only good thing in his life he actually looked forward to seeing. He knew Quinn would immediately give the baby up for adoption, but he wanted that chance to meet his baby girl. He wanted to be able to hold her, for the first and last time.

But, like all the good things in his life, he lost her before he even had a chance to fight for her.

**

* * *

**

_Truth be told, I've tried my best  
__But somewhere along the way  
__I got caught up in all there was to offer  
__And the cost was so much more than I could bear_

- "Fallen," by Sarah McLaughlin

**

* * *

**

Puck didn't talk to Quinn's parents. Actually, he breezed right past them after he and Finn were done with their 'moment.' Finn left to go talk to the nurses about getting Quinn lunch, but Puck knew it was just his clueless friend's way of giving him time. Which he appreciated. However, he didn't appreciate Quinn's controlling dad glaring at him while her frigid yet still kind of hot doubtless cougar mom checked him out behind the sneer. He had no doubt now that they knew that Finn wasn't the dad that they wanted to have 'words' with him, but they could just suck it up 'cause Quinn was more important to him.

He shouldered them out of his way, pushing the door open slowly and peeking inside. There was Quinn. She looked so… tiny against the white sheets and pillows and blankets. Tiny and pale. All her pale blonde hair and sad blue eyes. She had clearly been doing a lot of crying, but when she stared at him, there were no tears. Just emptiness, like she had nothing left to give. He wanted to hug her to his chest and never let her go.

"I'm sorry," he said, automatically lowering his voice. He seemed to be doing a lot of apologizing all of a sudden. If it meant she would speak to him, it'd be worth it.

She laughed a little, and the sound was hollow. It wasn't a good sign.

"And what do you have to be sorry for, Puck?" she said, shaking her head and looking out the wide window where the blue sky was visible over the buildings.

"Everything," he said, causing her eyes to snap back and lock with his own. He took that as a sign to continue. "I really fucked up, and I dragged you along with it. But I never wanted this to happen. I didn't want this to be the cost. I wanted our baby to be okay. I'll be a Lima loser for the rest of my life if it meant I could see our baby girl. That's all I want."

She looked away again, but he saw her bite her bottom lip and the tears that were rapidly welling up in her eyes. He finally stepped forward, breaking away from the doorframe and walking towards her. He didn't stop until he was by the edge of her bed clutching her face in his hands. Tears were streaming down her face now, and he tried to wipe them away as best he could with the pads of his thumbs.

"I couldn't handle a baby," she said, voice breaking. "But I didn't want a miscarriage. I wanted our little girl to go to a nice family, even if it wasn't Mr. Schuester. I never wanted this either, Puck."

She reached her hand up, that tiny and pale hand covering his and squeezing gently. There was a sort of a breaking in this action, finally recognizing what was happening. Quinn still loved Finn. She loved Puck, but it wasn't enough. Even after the baby, she needed to be with Finn, regardless of how retarded he could be.

Puck finally understood. It was killing him on the inside, but he understood.

He swallowed thickly, finally breaking eye contact with her. He'd never been through an official break-up- he preferred the 'hook-up and leave' method, and it wasn't like that retarded excuse from Santana even counted 'cause he knew it was just so she could spend more time making out with Brittany- but this felt so much more final and absolutely depressing.

"So," he said, clearing his throat so she wouldn't hear in his voice that he was actually pretty torn up about all of this. "What's gonna happen now?"

She shrugged, but there was a little bit of lost helplessness in the action. "I don't know," she admitted. "My parents are considering letting me come back home, but that's only if they pull me out of high school and send me to this all-girls' Catholic school upstate."

"What?!" Puck said, nearly letting go of her face. "You're going to transfer?!"

She laughed, but it was hardly a happy laugh. "I don't know," she said, clear blue eyes sad. "But it's not that horrible of an idea. Especially after everything that's happened in Lima, a fresh start doesn't sound that bad."

He pulled away then, stepping back and pulling his hands out of her grasp. That was fine. She was in love with Finn anyway. It wasn't like her leaving ultimately affected him in any major way.

Quinn's eyebrows knitted together when he moved, even more sadness clouding her eyes. "Puck, don't go," she said, voice cracking. "I didn't say I was definitely going to leave- I'm not even sure I can handle going back to my parents after they threw me out. I'm probably still going to stay and live with Finn."

He nodded, once, twice, and then forced a smile. "That works," he said, aiming for casual but missing by a mile. "It's good that Finn took you in. Even though I still say I would do a way better job taking care of you than Hudson."

He almost immediately winced at the desperation that laced his tone, but she laughed again, a real laugh this time, so he kept a straight face and didn't add anything else.

"I really wish things didn't turn out this way," she whispered, a few more tears streaming down her cheeks.

He looked down at the linoleum floor, forcing another quick smile that was really more of a grimace. "Same here," he said. "But I should really leave you time to, y'know, get better. And I'm sure Hudson wants to go back to mooning over you."

She smiled at him, eyes still sad but there was a glimmer of the old Quinn in her gaze. It made his chest tighten in a way he'd never admit, especially to her.

"Just so you know," he said, heading towards the door and stopping to face her with his hand still on the doorknob. "I love you."

She smiled, more tears streaming down her face. "I love you, too," she whispered.

**

* * *

**

_There'll be girls across the nation that'll eat this up  
__Babe, I know that it's your soul but could you bottle it up?  
__Get down to the heart of it  
__No, it's my heart, you're shit out of your luck  
__Don't make me tell you again  
__My love, love, love, love  
__Love, love, love, love_

- "Bottle It Up," by Sara Bareilles


End file.
